“Even if no one else praises you, even if no one else sees your good deeds, you should praise yourself. You should see your good deeds.” – Tohru Honda

Self-compassion has been a difficult journey for me. I didn’t even realize it was something I lacked until I was trying to teach it to children. It was a stark realization that I was extending compassion to others while neglecting myself. My parents, unfortunately, weren’t models of self-compassion. They taught me to disregard my own needs and let external circumstances dictate my life. I understand now that this was likely due to their own lack of self-compassion. It’s saddening, particularly when I think of my mother, whose choices have led to a life I find unhealthy and unsettling. We haven’t spoken in over five years.

Then there’s my father, who is battling Huntington’s Disease, a devastating illness that combines the worst aspects of Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s. I didn’t have a relationship with him until I was forced to seek shelter at his doorstep after being kicked out from my grandparents’ home five years ago. This happened when I tried to protect my younger sister and myself from my mother’s abusive behavior. In essence, both my parents allowed external factors to control their lives and attempted to impose that view on me. Without therapy and the support of good friends, I’d likely be repeating their patterns. It’s taken years of conscious effort to cultivate self-compassion. Even writing this blog feels like an act of self-compassion.

My life is far from perfect. I’m still navigating career challenges, financial difficulties (debt is incredibly frustrating), a non-existent dating life, and ongoing health issues. However, I’m proud of the progress I’ve made. I recognize when I need to journal to process my emotions, prioritize sleep for a demanding day, take grounding walks, or say “no” to plans for self-care. Most importantly, I’m learning to speak to myself with the same kindness I extend to children. By practicing these habits, I’ve even influenced my father, whose cognitive abilities are declining, to seek therapy. We’re now building a meaningful relationship, and I cherish every visit with him and my brother. My brother, by the way, is a remarkable person. He juggles a full-time tech job, caregiving for my father, pet care, and training to open a jiu-jitsu gym.

I digress, but to bring it back to the topic of self-compassion, here are a few strategies that have helped me:

• Write a compassionate letter to yourself. Imagine a supportive friend offering understanding and encouragement.
• Prioritize physical well-being. Ensure adequate sleep, nutritious meals, and regular exercise.
• Acknowledge the universality of suffering. Remember that everyone experiences challenges and insecurities.
• Challenge negative self-talk. For every negative thought, counter it with two positive affirmations.

I hope these insights prove helpful. If nothing else, this has been a cathartic exercise for me.